Sunday, June 20, 2010

Drunk Posting Will Make You Look Like An Idiot

Meet April. April likes to say silly things on the Internet sometimes. At first, I thought she was a troll, but no, she is someone who posts sort of normal things most of the time, and then, out of nowhere, will have this reaction to international ("alleged") murderer Joran Van Der Sloot:

he wouldn't have to use date rape drugs on me! he's hot! oh, I know, a couple of his dates ended up badly. Haven't you ever been on a bad date? i think if you just do what he wants you to do, you'll find yourself having a good time. Call me, Joran! I want to have little van der Sloots! I want to be your van der @#$%! Call me!



Yeaaaahhhh.....uhhhhh.....honey? I think Joran's going to be a bit occupied for the next infinity years or so. Check it out, though..."Bob Smith" is interested:

Hey you @#$% you like it rough drop me an e-mail I will take it from you hard!
[deleted] and @#$% you like the @#$% you are

You have no idea how tempted I was to leave his email address in. But no, I must take the high road and keep everyone semi-anonymous. What's my damage, anyway? ;-) Whatever, April's still (drunk?) posting:

he's hot! i want to be a van Der S luut! So what, two stupid girls are dead--it's not like they were guys. Everyone know that us girls are just there to pleasure our men folk. And that is the way it should be. Acts 29:30-31:

Women, thou arest commanded to give up dominion to thy partners and to not hold sway over their affairs.

For is it not written in the halls of the Kings that in ancient times the prophet will set forth his precedent for who believe in him?

Danny saw this, and he likes:

april you are a doll, want to be friends, hit me up and let me know at [deleted]

I deleted the email address, but I will share that the address contains the word 'nutz'. Just like it would have in Biblical times.

Danny may like, but Mary does not:

YOU ARE A STUPID F*** LIKE THEY SAY ABOUT OPINIONS AND EVERYBODY HAS ONE, WELL YOU A REAL BIG A** HOLE. DUMB STUPID B****!!!!!! WHAT IF IT WAS YOUR SISTER OR MOTHER OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU, ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE A STUPID F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, Mary, how do you feel? You're not being expressive enough...oh, wait...you're using ALL CAPS LOCK to show that YOU! MEAN! BUSINESS!

Moral of the story is: don't shout out to criminals, or creepy internet guys will hit on you (and women will scream bloody murder at you). Or, you may wind up on this site.

On another note, Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there. :)


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