Saturday, June 19, 2010

Nothing Attracts The Dumb Comments Like Sarah Palin News

Like flies to honey. You betcha!

This article is no big deal. Sarah Palin is speaking at a college in California. There was a controversy over how much it cost to have her speak there, plus the university understandably was originally reluctant to let the media cover the event, further embarrassing the school by being associated with her special brand of nitwittedness.

It's a big deal to me, however, because this sort of story attracts the wingiest of the wingnuts. Okay, so wingiest isn't a word, but it should be. We could use it to describe this fellow, who has the following to say about people who don't agree with Sarah Palin's [sarcasm]brilliant[/sarcasm] rhetoric:


Friday, June 18, 2010

I Cannot Even Explain This Thread

Ho. Ly. Crap.

Did you know there's a thread out there for women to fight over married truckers? Me neither.

Did you know that it's over 50 pages long? Me neither.

There is too much to post here. I leave you with this quickie.

The most awesome thread EVER (adult language)

I will be back tomorrow with a real article. Ciao!


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Thursday, June 17, 2010

This Is Possibly The Most Randomly Weird Comment Ever

You know when you come across some really freaky stuff completely by accident? I was reading the news, not even thinking about this site (I'm a couple of days ahead of myself as of this writing), and I came across this rather disturbing story about someone who snapped while on drugs, and almost literally tore another person apart.

I scrolled down to the first comment, which was the following (I deleted the names because I don't wish to be harassed/shot by the guy posting this):

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO CONTACT EX TV PERSON [deleted]? HE MAY BE LIVING WITH A LIAR IF STILL WITH THIRD WIFE [deleted]. SHE LIED WHEN ACCUSING [deleted] OF YELLING OBSCENITIES AT HER ONE NITE IN OCT. 1993. IT WAS [deleted] WHO ACTUALLY SAID THE THINGS SHE ACCUSED [deleted] OF. SHE WILL FAIL A POLYGRAPH. SHE WILL FAIL, SHE ALMOST GOT [deleted] KILLED WITH HER LIES. [deleted] NEVER RAISED HIS VOICE AND WAS 100% POLITE TO [deleted].

It continues:

in 1993 actor [deleted] was shot. he is a third degree black belt and went to a neighbors home to beat the crap out of him because his third wife [deleted] told [deleted] a lie. [deleted] lives with a liar. [deleted] claimed the man who shot [deleted] had said to her earlier in the day, ''why dont you eat it and eat yourself" also, [deleted] told [deleted] that the shooter told her,""my @#$% is too big for you lady.."[deleted] believes her. i challenge [deleted] to a polygraph test. she WILL fail. she felt scorned and put it on the shooter. almost getting her [deleted] tv star killed. the shooter counts his blessings [deleted] was not killed, also for not being married to a liar like [deleted].

I have no words, mostly because I am afraid. I'll let random t-shirt lady say it.



Discuss.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Don't Feed The Troll

Trolls do zilch for me these days. This is because I'm jaded.

Allow me to explain. I moderate a rather high-profile message board. This has been a pastime of mine for a few years now. Over the years, I have seen my share of trolls, and I've learned that the best way to deal with trolls is not to react to them. You see, the troll is an enigmatic creature. They could be just about anyone you imagine...your teacher, your mail carrier, your sibling, even one of your parents or grandparents. They could be fine, upstanding citizens, who simply like to say inflammatory things on the Internet just to get a rise out of people.

One such person trolls the Yahoo News articles, and goes by the moniker Jen Bunny. Here is Jen Bunny's take on the oil spill:

It's just oil, no big deal. It's not like Louisiana looked any better pre-spill. I say let the oil dry up, or get the poor people to clean it up.

Quentin says:

You cannot be serious.

Serious? Serious about getting a reaction out of you, which she did. Not so much about the other stuff. I mean, do you REALLY think this person is making the following statement about the midwest flash flood tragedy with any truth or conviction?

Lol funny. I'm all dry. Save the hillbillies! NOT

I should add that I don't think this is funny. I just roll my eyes and move on. And so should you.

I should also add that Jen Bunny is from Beverly Hills, and looks like your stereotypical spoiled, rich, blond teenage girl. Are your red flags raised yet?

Yet, there are still people who take the bait and fall into the trap. Let's get back to the oil spill, shall we? She left this gem somewhere, the way livestock drop their turds and just nonchalantly move on like nothing happened:

Who cares about the oil spill? I certainly don't. I need to get some more eye shadow.

Do you still think Jen Bunny is real? 75% of respondents to the above quote did. Yep. Nine out of twelve, and one was by JB herself, saying,

Just because my legs are open 24/7. Doesn't mean I'm a "hooker".

See? Definitely not real. Unless you mean real 100% troll, that is! Still, few people actually got it.

A few samples:

You should be stuffed in the pipe.

Nah, too skinny.

DIP YOUR UGLY FACE IN THE GULF!!

He was so mad, he had to use CAPS LOCK!!!! Party time!!!! Sorry, I had to slip one more in.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE OIL SPILL,AT LEAST YOU ADMIT HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE,

Okay, two. It's a sickness.

Moral of the story is:




Editor's Note: (That's still me) I know full well that posting this article called "Don't Feed The Troll" is actually feeding a troll. However, I like to think of this article as one for educational purposes. If this one troll meal teaches thirty others not to feed trolls, then what I'm really doing is feeding the troll poison.
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Even Cartoon Characters Are Not Safe From Dumb Comments

Recently, the comic strip "Little Orphan Annie" ended its newspaper run. Yeah, I didn't know it was still going, either. I also didn't know that the comic strip was more or less right-wing propaganda, as this article implies. I thought it was just a comic about some little girl who kept getting kidnapped by crazed leaders of rogue nations (seriously, you'd think Daddy Warbucks would have done a little more to protect his adopted daughter, but I digress).

Anyhow, this article opened up a whole can of dead, stinking worms that can probably never be closed again.

And now, an innocent little cartoon girl is forever politicized.

Let's start with wanetta. I am about 95% sure that wanetta meant this as a joke:

my god, she was a tea bagger! I hope her dog bites her in the @#$%

Not everyone saw it this way, though, and it led to a political "discussion" that nobody won. This was my favorite passage:

I think we've all had a chance to examine your "Tea Party" candidates by now. If we can't judge your movement by them, by what can we judge it? Your darling Rand Paul is all the evidence we need to reject the premise of your tea party. Rand Paul thinks we're being too hard on big oil and supports the right of businesses to bring back discrimination on the basis of the color of one's skin. Your other darling, Sharron Angle, thinks water fluoridation is a communist conspiracy and would like to criminalize alcohol. I'm surprised none of you thinks any of these ideas are bad.

On paper, I would agree with some of the finer points on government fiscal responsibility. But none of you appear to really care about any of that. Otherwise, you'd add the wasteful government spending on military to your agenda. The Tea Party is just a bunch of sore McCain losers who are gathering to bash Obama for any fickle reason they can come up with. You can dress it up with fine words and fancy trappings if you want but no one is fooled.

TL;DR. Want to know what TL;DR means? "Too Long; Didn't Read". Otherwise known as "teal deer". We'll cover more of that in a future article. Remember, this is about a cartoon of a 10-year-old girl with no pupils - just blank, white eyes. I take it she isn't running for political office. Try telling that to Markh, though:

I wonder if the liberals are gonna blame Bush for this too?

The liberals are going to blame Bush for a cancellation of a comic strip that allegedly had right-wing political leanings? (which I still don't clearly see; the comic is surely patriotic in a very 1950's sort of way, but not exactly partisan) Doubt it.

No matter what side of the political coin you're on, remember...IT'S A CARTOON ABOUT A KID!

Renae is here to give us some "insight" (I'm pretty sure she's serious, too):

It's because Annie is a redhead. If she were a minority, every one would be complaining about doing away with her. They would be hollering racism.

Renae, for too many reasons to list here, you are an idiot.

Annie just checked in to offer her two cents on the matter:

Word.


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Monday, June 14, 2010

THE CAPS LOCK PARTY CONTINUES!!!

Since yesterday's CAPS LOCK party was such a success with you, my wonderful readers, that I have decided to extend the party another day.

Again, not all of these comments are dumb (at least one of them is pretty smart IMO), but it doesn't matter. Why? It's in CAPS LOCK, the literary equivalent to the homeless guy standing at the entrance to the subway station, screaming about the end days and 2012. *rolls eyes*

Remember, no matter what you say, if you say it in CAPS LOCK, even the smartest comments become dumb comments. Like this one:

DOES ANYONE WONDER WHY THEY DON'T DRILL THE RELIEF WELLS NEXT TO THESE OIL WELLS BEFORE THEY EVEN START BRINGING UP OIL?.....SO IF THERE IS AN OIL LEAK THEY CAN IMMEDIATELY UTILIZE THE RELIEF WELL TO STOP THE LEAK.

WE ARE NOW WAITING MONTHS FOR A RELIEF WELL TO BE DRILLED NEXT TO THE ORIGINAL WELL TO STOP THE PRESENT LEAK.

WHY WASN'T THIS RELIEF WELL DRILLED WHEN THEY DRILLED THE ORIGINAL OIL WELL SO IT WOULD BE READY IN CASE OF A LEAK?

I'VE REPEATEDLY READ POSTS ON THE INTERNET THAT THIS IS ALREADY REQUIRED BY LAW IN CANADA AND OTHER COUNTRIES.

And I've repeatedly skipped posts written in all CAPS LOCK.

Think I'm the only one who thinks so? Even trolls are beating this guy's ass. Look at what "Doug A Troll For All Seasons" (That's his actual user name, and as far as trolls go, he's a fun one) has to say:

Dude why do you type in caps??? Is your button broken or do you not know how to use the keyboard or are you too lazy to capitalize the first letter of your sentences. Personally I believe that those who use all caps are a lil dented in the bucket if you know what I mean.

See? When a professional troll is calling you "a little dented in the bucket", it's time to change your habits.

BUSH PROVED HOW MUCH WORSE A PRESIDENT COULD BE. PALLIN COULDNT FINISH A TERM IF ALL HER PICS MAKE IT THEN THE DEMS WILL CONTROL IT ALL. YOU GO GIRL. YOU WANT TO MAKE A POINT.......NAME ONE THING REPUBLICANS HAVE DONE FOR THE COMMON MAN.

This guy could have found a lot of supporters in this, but he won't. Why? If you said "CAPS LOCK", you're right! Doug the Troll is back to prove it:

I laugh in your face tho because I was talking about all haters and you are so blinded by your own idealology to presume im a republican make it even more amusing! Oh by the way posting in capitals just shows your to lazy capitalize first letters in a sentence or are you rude or crass by nature. Either way blinded by coolaid or ignorance matters not to me. Enjoy your dissatisfaction.

Oh, Doug. I so want to applaud you, but it's "you're too lazy", not "your to lazy".

OK. I'm done with Doug. As Larry here will tell you, this is a CAPS LOCK PARTY!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

1. OIL IN THE GULF BLAME BUSH NOT OBAMA
2. 911 ATTACK BLAME BUSH AGAIN NOT OBAMA
3. NOW THIS ONE BLAME BUSH AGAIN NOT OBAMA.
AS FOR THE TEA PARTY IF YOU DONT LIKE OUR GOVERMENT
BUY A TICKET AND GET OUT OF THE USA WE DONT NEED YOU HERE.
YOU TRY AND CHANGE OUR CONSTITUTION TO SUIT YOURSELVES.
PEOPLE OUR RIGHTS AS US CITIZENS ARE AT STAKE IF WERE NOT CAREFULL
THIS COUNTRY WILL BECOME COMUNIST.

Again, think of the homeless guy screaming "THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!!!".

Steve has such a constructively critical response to this that he should win a Pulitzer Prize in Internet Commenting. Just kidding! It's MOAR CAPS LOCK!!!!

LARRY: TRY STICKING YOUR HEAD UP YOUR @#$% BECAUSE MAYBE "BUSH" IS THE ONE WHO STUCK YOUR BRAIN THERE. YOU MUST BE SO STUPID THAT YOU DROOL IN YOUR SOUP WHILE WATCHING BEVIS AND BUTTHEAD RE-RUNS. PRESIDENT BUSH MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABIT TO PASSIVE IN RETORTING IDIOTS LIKE YOU BUT I'M NOT AND I'M SICK OF THE IDIOTS AND LIBERAL RETARDS WHO CAN'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES OR SEE PAST THERE OWN PROPAGANDA, TRYING TO BE WALKING ZOMBIES. IF YOU HATE THIS COUNTRY...GO TO CANADA OR TRY GOING TO HELL.

Please don't do that to my Canadian friends north of the border. They're nice people who do not need CAPS LOCK.

As for you, beloved reader, I leave this parting statement:



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Sunday, June 13, 2010

OMG! IT'S A CAPS LOCK PARTY!

The rule of caps lock is pretty simple: You could have written your thoughts on the actual meaning of life and the key to world peace, and they could have saved the world - but if you post it in CAPS LOCK, no one will read it.

Why is caps lock a bad thing? Because typing in all CAPS LOCK makes you look like a bleedin' idiot. It's the literary equivalent to screaming as loud as you can in a fast monotone. Right in the ear.

Here are a few random CAPS LOCK posts from around the web, pulled completely out of their original context. Then again, most of them were way off-topic in the first place.

Enjoy!

I HOPE THE TSUNAMI CAN HELP WITH POPULATION REDUCTION...

Me too, but only if you're a victim.

[ LESBIAN ENCOUNTERS ]

PALIN PLANS TO WRITE THE BOOK ON >>LESBIAN ENSOUNTERS


[ OFF TOPIC NEWS ]

I don't even want to know.

CORPORATIONS WHO PAY THE MOST TAXES, WHO DONATE THE MOST TO CANCER RESEARCH, ALL RESEARCH, ALL SHELTERS, ETC. ETC. ETC.. AND WHO PUTS A PAYCHECK IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AND CREATES JOBS... THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCESSFUL IF THEY GAVE NOTHING BACK...STUPID LIBERAL!

At least your "stupid liberal" wasn't using CAPS LOCK.

BP DON'T NEED A SECOND CHANCE THEY CAN'T EVEN GET PEOPLE TO CLEAN UP THE BEACHES OR EVEN SHUT THE BEACHES DOWN.
THEIR NUMBERS DON'T ADD UP, WHAT SCHOOL DID THE CEO, AND THE REST OF THE CREW GO TO SCHOOL? A SCHOOL FILLED WITH OIL THAT CLOGGED THEIR BRAINS SO THAT THEY CAN'T THINK.
BP NEEDS A BIGGER CAP TO GET ALL THE OIL THAT IS LEAKING NOT JUST A PERCENTAGE OF THE CURDE.

I'm sorry, but I cannot hear you over all the CAPS LOCK!!!!!

WE DID NOT READ THE LEGISLATION BECAUSE WE CAN NOT READ ... MEMBERS OF CONGRESS
WHICH SHOWS THE INADEQUACY OF OUR PUBLIC EDUCATION SYSTEM IN THE USA
THEREFORE WE NED TO TAX MORE AND GIVE MORE MONEY TO UNIONIZED TEACHERS FOR NOT DOING THEIR JOB ... NOW THIS IS LOGIC ...

The reason why we CAN NOT READ is because you are using TOO MUCH CAPS LOCK!

To review:


Any questions?



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